Jul 23, 2007

I'm Just... Fine

I had my Dr visit this morning for the "after miscarriage" visit. That was hard. I found myself wanting to run away and not be there. I decided that there should be a soundtrack to my life, so I'd know when the good part was coming around again. I had to watch very pregnant women haul themselves around. I'm not jealous of them, just mad that my baby, my SON! isn't ever going to be here to hold, love, kiss, caress.

Think about all I'm not going to experience with him - no happy birth, no breastfeeding, no sweet smelling baby hair, no kisses, no small bundle in my bed, warm and round. I can't think of all the "bad" things just now - weight gain issues, the pain of early breastfeeding, the trauma of VBAC trials, the sleepless nights...

Since the ultrasound they did in the hospital showed everything clear (which it wasn't, since the placenta fell out in the bathroom at the Army Surplus Warehouse - who's the putz who read THAT u/s?!) but I couldn't report seeing the baby in the remains, she did another scan. All clear. Some tissue remains, but that's normal and will clear out on it's own. I'll bleed for probably 2 weeks, decreasing, and sometime during this next week my cervix will close.

And then? Then the Dr says we can have another baby any time we'd like. Wait one cycle to make sure that the uterus is healed and then hump like monkeys, if we'd care to. I told her that since we're Catholic, we're just going to let God take care of it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

God Bless! Looks like you you're going to the only real expert for this decision...