Alone for the First Time

It's the first time I've been ALONE since the news of the baby's death. Since the miscarriage on Thursday morning (long story involving a hospital ER visit). Without anyone here.

And so far, I'm okay. The kids are vacationing for a week with the grandparents, sans parents, and Hubbers went to a movie with a buddy. (I didn't feel like seeing Transformers.) I'm home, cleaning up a bit but taking it easy since I'm technically on bedrest for another day, sewing, running laundry. And it's okay.

I feel at peace. A bit saddened but nothing unbearable. The nights are worse than the days. I think of the baby often and feel badly that he will never get to see this world. I know that I really feel bad for me, since he's in a much better place, but he was and is my child.

We will have the remains blessed and will then find a quiet spot to bury him.